The Butt of the Joke

Although he is still a funny guy sometimes, Matthew’s jokes has since caused my sparse eyebrows to rise so often I look like a clown. To make matters worse, I am developing deep frown lines to match the irritation I feel hearing his silly comments and jokes. A serious, many-things-are-not-for-joking mum with a slap-stick, foul-mouthed son just do not mix well.

The root of all my irritation – butt-related comments and jokes. I never knew so many words can be made up with just the words “butt” and “backside”. Worse, Megan is joining in the fun, and becoming “foul-mouthed” like the brother.

When the two siblings are in their butt-happy moments, they will take turns coming up with names or words that contain the derriere and then laugh themselves silly over their ingenuity. When I’m trapped within earshot of these moments, I don’t know what I should be doing – cover my ears, shout at them to stop their nonsenses, roll my eyes skyward, knit my eyesbrows together, ignore them, or knock myself out. Kids are just kids, right? They have no notion of societal demands for propriety nor do they care. But I care – yet I do not know if I should let them have their fun in private, and wish they do not repeat it in public, or just stop them completely before it becomes a habit.

The latest – Iron Butt. Which, according to Matthew, was a ‘real’ thing he read in one of the comic books available in the school library. It is a costume some boy puts on before he farts (seriously?!). Given the recent saga where he was caught lying through his teeth (I might write about it when the pain in my heart lessens), I have no faith he is telling the truth. I did a quick search in the Internet though, and found no boy with such a costume.

What I found was that there is indeed an “Iron Butt Association” based in the U.S., “dedicated to safe, long-distance motocycle riding”. No offence to the IBA, you guys are great. But I need help nipping my kids’ nonsense in the butt, I mean, bud.

Any tips for a struggling, ears-might-drop-out-from-the-filth-I’m-hearing mum?

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