Who is the One?

In a matter of 4 weeks, I have spent a considerable amount of time thinking about the One, including 3 conversations regarding the One. One was trying to get across to a 6yo, the other 2 were with my friends.

My friends and I were having lunch together when the topic of the One came up. A had secured a flat with her boyfriend. In Singapore, the commonest way to announce the sound of wedding bells is not far in the future is to make known that one is in the process of queuing for a flat with the other half, or that a flat has been secured. The actual date for registration of the marriage is often tied to the date of completion of the secured flat; the later the date of completion, the further away the marriage will be.

After announcing that her flat is being built, A casually asked the 3 of us (all married for a number of years) what made us know our spouses would be the One back then.

B, blissfully married for at least 7 years with no kids, explained without hesitation that she just knew her husband was the One, based on similar values and lots of gut feeling. You just know, she said.

C, married for at least 8 years with 2 kids, said circumstances brought him and his wife together, when they met while studying in the United Kingdom. But he agreed that similar values and common interests determined his wife was the One.

I kept quiet and listened attentively to what B and C said. A and I have had the same conversation the day before, and I knew her concerns. A is dating her one and only boyfriend, and it had struck her that she IS going to marry him. It was natural for A to have doubts, for her good friend had just broken up with her first boyfriend. Armed with the experience gained from the first failed relationship, this friend knew what she would be looking out for when she is ready to enter into another relationship. A was troubled because she wasn’t sure if there was someone better out there, and also she felt she hadn’t “played enough”.

Many people, I believe, do not settle down with their first love. So A turned to me for advice, for I married my first love, the Man. The similarity ended here. Unlike A, I settled down at a fairly young age in today’s society; the year after I graduated from the University.

I only had heartfelt words for A: that I honestly didn’t know why I was sure I married the One; I just felt he was the One. But I told A to finish her ‘playing’ before walking down the asle. For she will never be free ever again, with only herself to account for. A life together as a couple, and then a family, is never the same as being alone, in a relationship. Things are much, much simpler if one only has herself/himself to answer to.

Do you have any regrets? A asked me. I would be lying to you if I say I have no regrets. Why not? I chose a life for 2 early, instead of indulging my desire to be a free spirit for a few more years. Now that I’m much older, with 2 young kids to look after as a family, would I have chosen to enjoy a few more years being “single”? Probably. But, I told her sincerely, I never doubted that he was the One.

So, A, play as much as you want. Fulfil your dreams and wishes first, those that can only be done alone, before settling down. But never doubt he is the One. Your heart knows much better than what your mind is telling you… All the best!

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