I Blame Myself

This photo was taken at a place with much heartache.

We were actually outside the clinic of an ophthalmologist last Saturday. The paediatrician has referred Matthew to the ophthalmologist who then referred him for a non-urgent appointment to see the ophthalmologist-paediatrician in early March.

Matthew’s right eye. Nothing SERIOUS, but nevertheless… The muscle controlling the upward movement of his right eye is not doing too well, and as a result, the left is over compensating too. More tests are needed for a conclusive outcome, and whether corrective measures need to be taken, now, or when he’s older.

It’s not about counting blessings, or that it could have been something worse. No mother would ever want anything bad to happen to her child. It’s about a mother’s guilt that somehow it may have been her fault her child is less-than-normal in some way. That her child should be made to go through all these tests, results and future corrective measures. Despite her child bravely and obediently following the instructions of the clinic nurses and doctor. Despite the nice clinic nurse gaving him the Elmo balloon as a reward for being a good boy. My heart bleeds for my boy… 

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4 comments

  1. justina

    how did you discover this problem? pls don’t blame yourself 😛 D also went through eye surgery to correct his lazy eye or squint.. now he is so hyper. at least we did it at a young age for him

  2. corsage

    hey I was blog surfing and saw this post. We mothers often go through guilt trips! Don’t blame yourself for this as is not something you could have prevented. My sis had an eye op done when she was 4 do correct squint as well. We were told it is a hereditary trait as my grandfather had the same problem. Her eyes have been perfectly fine since then! Your son will be ok!

  3. janeeeee

    Am reading this post quite late … hope whatever op/treatment that Matt receives will correct the problem permanently, so that he wouldn’t even know of it when he gets older =)

  4. Pingback: The Doctor I want to be « Tequila Intoxicated Earthling

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