Wanted – Sleep

This is the number 1 item in my wish list right now.

In all my years on Earth, nothing has ever stopped me from getting at least 7 hours of sleep. Even when exams were round the corner, I did not sacrifice sleep just to cram the last few chapters into my brain.

It’s now payback time. Since towards the end of March till now, I have had interrupted sleep every single night. At least 7 hours of sleep for me is truly a thing of the past. All in the name of motherhood.

I’m lucky to have pushed back payment for 2 years. This time, I have a real taste of motherhood, what it truly means to wake up a few times at night to change diapers, feed, cuddle, rock, and sing to a fussy baby. In the day, I have to entertain a toddler who’s going through the Terrible Two stage. But I am not alone. I actually have excellent support from my Mum, who has been a solid pillar of strength all the way, and also from the Man. Yet, I still suffer from a severe lack of sleep.  

I feel worse than a zombie, because there are things that still require brain power. Alas, brain power is something that has been drastically reduced with another pregnancy and now the severe lack of quality rest. Never have I felt so stupid in my whole life. My self doubt is back with a vengence. I cannot think properly, I cannot remember anything, I’m functioning on auto-pilot and instinct, both of which are not of very high quality.

Ask me where to go for breakfast, my mind is a blank. Ask me what does the fussing baby want, my mind is a blank; I cannot discern the difference between a high-pitched and low-pitched cry. The todd throws a tantrum, my frustration mounts and my anger management goes out of the window. I cannot make a simple decision, I cannot even hold a proper conversation.

Honestly, if you ask me, this motherhood business is tougher than I imagined. Yet I always pride myself as a practical and sensible person. I am so terribly wrong on this account. I guess I am not suited to be somebody’s Mummy, let alone two…

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