This Ain’t Me, I Swear!

One moment, I could be happily minding my own business. Suddenly, a sad love song would heat up my eyes and summon tears that quickly fill up my small eye sockets, threatening to course down my face and ruin my reputation as a person with a cool demeanor unfazed by the world.

A baby seal on TV (heck, make that a baby anything), or touching blog posts like this, have the uncanny ability to turn the sides of my mouth down, involuntarily convulse those muscles, and whoosh tears into my eyes and down my face in one second flat.

Blame it on the hormones. The RAGING hormones coursing through my blood as stealthily as somersaulting ninjas on rooftops. I never know what will hit me, and when.

I have transformed into someone I hardly recognise anymore. The reflection in the mirror confirms that. I’m officially a crybaby! Oh, not to mention a rage maniac too. In short, something’s gone terribly wrong on the inside.

What about the moments in between tears and rage? Surely I’m this happy, glowing bunny, right? Wrong.

In fact, I’m void of emotions. I view the world around me with detachment, even disinterest. I’m going through each day, wearing a suit of armour. Nothing chinks my armour; I feel no pain. I think my heart is dying. I don’t seem to feel much about anything anymore. Nonchalance is my constant companion.

Yup, this is the me in between extreme emotions now. Ironically, I kind of enjoy this void. This I-don’t-care attitude works like a balm. I’m just not sure if this is a temporary phase I’m going through like the extreme emotions, or this is the real deal. Only time will tell heal…


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