Out of Exile

This past month has been one bumpy and largely unenjoyable roller coaster ride, physically and emotionally.

New sensations and feelings have been flooding my system, so much so I was pretty out of action and in a self-imposed exile. Never had I felt (okay, I only had 1 prior experience so far) so helpless, out of control, and… lonely.

It seems destined it’ll be a battle I will have to face alone, with little assistance. The last time it happened, I was Queen, and everyone did their best to help me tide through it. I felt loved and cherished and pretty much enjoyed the whole experience.

This time, all available help has gone somewhere, leaving me alone to fight the battle, most of the time. It could have been much worse I know; I am hardly in any position to complain and raise hell.

Inevitably, things are different now, and will continue to be so for as long as I live. Win some, lose some. But the nagging question is, will I really win some? Or is this the prelude to me losing more than I will gain?

Depressing thoughts for a semi-bright Monday. Anyway, I am out of exile for now, and keeping my fingers crossed that it will remain this way for some time to come. How I missed penning down my thoughts, and feeling more normal now. Things are far from perfect, but I just have to adapt and find a new equilibrium. Sooner than later…

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