Loss

The inevitable has happened yesterday night, much earlier than planned. The time has come to say goodbye.

We had a major cleanout of our study room yesterday night. It’s amazing the amount of stuff we had accumulated since our dating days, almost 11 years ago. Most of our prized collection of pigs and Ultraman items bid their farewell. I was choked with emotion I could not speak the whole time .

To see my friends go one by one was really painful. But there simply isn’t enough space for them to remain in my possession. There was just too much.

I tried convincing myself this is for the best. That I learn to let go of the past and not look back. But images of my friends tossing me a woeful last look before disappearing into the bags still haunt me, and I’d jolt anew with the pain of loss. Yet I’m helpless to keep them. They had to go. To make way for the Little One, the new master of the room.

If I could turn back time, I wished I had not acquired so many of my friends. Then the pain of losing them for good now would not be so poignant. On a practical note, much money would have been saved if I were not a collector. But I’d probably not experienced the joy and elation felt only by a collector.

Yesterday was only Part One of the clean out. Now that I am on a rampage, I have a strong desire to start over by limiting my possessions. And keep them this way. This desire must be kept alive long enough for me to let go.

I must let go…

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